Lost Today

 

Looking at my faith life today while doing the homework just showed how lost I can be.  I'm almost 60 (how could that be???) and I'm still searching.  What am I searching for?  Why search at all?  I hate the feeling of just drifting, of being out of control and that is exactly where my life is right now - or at least feels that way.  It's like my center is out of whack.  I try to calm my mind, quiet my mind yet the tapes keep running.  Job, kids, politics, Obama, it's a long list that I roll through, and I can do this in an instant.  It's endless.  No answers.  No path "home" looming out there and so I wander today - lost.

Obama administration attacks a Catholic College over contraceptives.

Despite consistent promises from President Obama, it appears his administration is intent on forcing a Catholic college to provide insurance coverage for contraceptives.  I suspect that is just the beginning.

Belmont Abbey College retains religious liberty law firm to defend itself against EEOC

Sep 10, 2009

Today, September 10, Belmont Abbey College retained The Becket Fund for Religious Liberty, a public-interest law firm in Washington, D.C., to join its legal team and help defend the school against the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).

In July the EEOC accused Belmont Abbey College, a Roman Catholic liberal arts college in North Carolina, of discriminating against its female employees by not covering contraceptives in its health insurance plan.

Being Called

 

Susie and I were responsible for RCIA this Sunday.  We have Fred and Mark as candidates this year.  The subject was their call.  How had they received their call to become a member of the Catholic Church.  I brought to mind my own decision to become a member of the church.

I had been a part of a church all my life.  My mom was very religious attending church every weekend and teaching Sunday School as well.  We belonged to the Lutheran Church.  I taught Sunday School as well, belonged to the youth group and generally just say it as a part of my life.

After getting married, I always attended Mass with Susie.  However, I could never participate in communion and always felt a bit like I was outside looking in.  I'm not sure I every actually felt a call - it simply became time to become a member, to be able to fully lend my time, talent and treasure as well as fully receive Christ through communion once again.  It has been a good decision that, slowly but surely, brings me closer to God.  Is this a "call"?? I don't know.  It's the same with taking part in Lay Formation - I know it is the right time to do it in my life.  That certainty is what I see as my call.

Jairus' Daughter

 

Over our Lay Formation weekend we did, what was for me, a rather startling guided imagery process of Jesus going help Jairus’ daughter. I have done many guided imagery processes and find them unusually vivid. This was no different. I clearly saw the people following, saw Jesus’ clothing, smelled the dust, felt the warmth of the day, saw the desperation in the woman touching His robes and the desperation in the face of Jairus. While Father asked that I hear Jesus speaking He never did, but he looked directly at me a number of times. When he reached the door of the home he turned and looked directly at me. I knew I was supposed to enter with him. At that instant I had a realization that I am still chewing on: Jesus was absolutely powerless while on earth. He could not heal the sick, raise the dead, change the water to wine, make the deaf hear or the blind see. Yet, when He looked at me as he entered the home His face was the face of utter calm, confidence and faith. He knew He would help the little girl. He had faith that His Father would work through Him to perform the healing. He was a conduit for His Father’s power. It was His faith in His Father, his trust, his love that made it possible for God to work miracles through Jesus. I find this explains so much to me.

This was the instant that the visualization was ended so I didn’t get to see the actual healing. Yet, in looking at Jesus there was no doubt of the outcome, His faith and trust were limitless.

Here is an interesting link to the "Raising of Jairus' Daughter" that discusses the story more fully and broadens the context.

Reading the Bible

 

I have been a part of a church for as long as I can remember.  I was raised in the Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod.  My mom was a Sunday School teacher.  Church, youth group, the study of the catechism were a part of my life through high school.  I was an 'intermittent' Lutheran during my time in the military.  Marriage brought me back to church full time, this time to the Catholic church.  And there I have remained.

During the past 59 years, I am sure I have heard virtually all parts of the bible and studied most of them.  However, I have never read the bible cover to cover.  I downloaded "The One Year Bible, New Living Translation"  from Tyndale to my Kindle and began the process in March of last year.  By May I had given up the effort.  I have taken it up again.  For those wishing to take up their own efforts, a version is available online at not cost.  The link is provided under my "Links" section to the left of the site.

ENTJ

Who am I?? Good question - one I have asked at various times in my life. Lay Formation offers another chance to see who's "home" in the head of Bill Keller.

We began with the Myers-Briggs personality typing. I have done various types of these evaluations. I always end up in the lower right hand corner - a controller, leader, judgmental - you know the type - asshole. (can I say that on a blog about my faith?) While the wording was more genteel, the result was the same. I am a:

ENTJ

E - Extroversion: People who prefer Extroversion tend to focus on the outer world of people and things.

N - Intuition: People who prefer Intuition tend to focus on the future, with a view toward patterns and possibilities.

T - Thinking: People who prefer Thinking tend to base their decisions primarily on logic and on objective analysis of cause and effect.

J - Judging: People who prefer Judging tend to like a planned and organized approach to life and prefer to have things settled.

"Frank, decisive, assume leadership readily. Quickly see illogical and inefficient procedures and policies. Develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve organizational problems. Enjoy long-term planning and goal setting. Usually well informed, well read, enjoy expanding their knowledge and passing it on to others. Forceful in presenting their ideas."

Honestly, for those that know me, this is spot on.

The real purpose of this is to evaluate others in our small group and use our individual strengths. Interestingly enough, a person also prays differently depending on your personality type as well. That is the focus of our first reading assignment. I find it pretty interesting. Our next get together is in a few weeks where we evaluate our score - I'm looking forward to it!

Enter

 

One of the first processes was to receive a special word – one that was meant for only me.  The tool to do this was to select a rock with a word written on it during a opening prayer service.  One of the challenges for me personally is to simply be open to God’s voice in my head/heart.  I am a person who prefers to live in my head – to analyze, think, carefully review – there’s not much room to receive messages from anyone, including listening for the Lord’s voice.

However, I am determined to allow God more fully into my life.  So I cleared my mind and simply asked God to show my my rock – the one I was supposed to find and choose as my own.  The result was stunning:  instantly I saw an oval rock, dark grey with a hint of green, fairly smooth.  The image was very vivid.  I awaited my turn and when called I got out of my chair, went to the table at the front of the group (we have just over 100 folks participating) and there was my rock – in the front left corner just behind a few others.  There was no doubt this was the one I saw.  I looked around at others, none came close.  This was MY rock.

I picked it up and returned to my seat.  Slowly I turned it over to read MY word, the one that would be special to me this year.

ENTER

I won’t begin to say the “secret of the word” was  revealed to me, I’m working on that.  But, I saw glimpses of some of its meaning.  I will share those through more posts regarding the weekend.  I suspect I have much to learn and discover over the next three years.

The Begining

 

The Catholic Church  has a program called “Lay Formation”.  It’s purpose is to give the laity a broader and more solid foundation in the Catholic faith.  It is a three year program requiring a retreat weekend in September and at least a meeting a month through the following May.  It requires a personality test (they STILL allowed me to participate) and a personal interview – I didn’t scare  Sr. Marci enough to reject me.

My wife started the program about 13 years ago and finished the three year program.  I watch, observed, questioned – and passed.  Yet, the thought of doing the program has lingered.  About 4 years ago I began going on our parish mission trips to Haiti.  I have blogged about those on our trip blog site.  The voice in my head spoke a little louder.

This spring it became clear it was time.  I suppose I should say I was “called” yet I heard not a whisper – simply a need to join this group.  I am confident my purpose will appear over time. 

For this blog, I want to use it to share my thoughts and experiences.  Honestly, over our first retreat there were very private and emotional moments.  I will not share those – I will simply hold on to those.  But, there were also many deeply moving moments that I would be interested in sharing and getting feedback on. 

So, let the journey begin.  Let us “enter” together.